IT'S REALLY, REALLY HOT! by Nicky

Mom says I am heat intolerant, and she is so right about that!  I just do not like being outside when it is so darned hot out there!  You would think that the heat would not bother a short-haired dog like me, but it does.  I would much rather go stand outside in the snow for half an hour than stand outside on a hot day.

So, how hot is it? you may ask.  Well, it is so hot that the Heat Index has been way over 100 degrees a whole bunch of days lately.  The Heat Index is a very important measurement that takes the temperature and combines it with the humidity level in some kind of mathematical formula and then tells you how hot it really feels, which is usually hotter than the actual temperature says it feels.

Anyway, I was trying to think of ways to tell you how hot it is besides just using the Heat Index, and Mom said I should go to the online Thesaurus and look for some words and descriptive phrases.  So I did that, and I found lots of good words that mean "hot."  For example, instead of just saying it's very hot, I could say it's baking, blazing, blistering, boiling, broiling, burning, fiery, like an oven, parching, piping, roasting, scalding, scorching, searing, sizzling, steaming, sultry, sweltering, or torrid.

And then besides just some words that mean "hot," I found a whole list of very colorful phrases about hot weather.  Except that some of these phrases were so colorful that Mom said I shouldn't put them in a family-friendly blog.  So I won't, because there are plenty of other good phrases, and here's a list of them, starting with a few that most people have already heard.

It's so hot you could fry an egg on the sidewalk.

It's hotter than blue blazes.

It's hotter than Hades.

It's hotter than a pepper sprout.

It's hotter than a $2 pistol on the Fourth of July.

It's hotter than two rats making love in a wool sock.

It's hotter than two bears fighting in a forest fire.


It's so hot the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

It's hotter than a snake's butt in a wagon rut.
   (This one doesn't make much sense, but it's fun to say!)

It's so hot that I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

It's hotter than a fire cracker lit at both ends.

It's hotter than the hinges of Helena.

It's hotter than Georgia asphalt.

It's hotter than high noon in Death Valley.

It's so hot I could spit fire.

It's hotter than a billy goat in a pepper patch.

It's so hot that the trees are creeping around looking for shade.

It's hotter than a steel playground at noon.

It's stupid hot!

It's hot enough to cure tobacco.

It's hotter than a pair of sweat pants full of barbecue.

It's another one of those aluminum foil sweater days.

It's so hot that it makes me want to take off my skin and sit in my bones.

It's so hot that I tied my mule in a field of corn, and the corn started popping and the mule thought it was snow and froze to death!








So anyway, if you ever want to tell somebody how hot it is, now you have a nice list of descriptive words and colorful phrases to use.  But reading through the list makes me start panting, so I think I'll just come back and read it again in the middle of January!